Anti-Social

Every so often I sit down and try to think about how I'm perceived by the rest of the world. This is not something that I normally worry about, at all.
I am antisocial in most of my personal philosophies, so worrying about what other people think is very low on my list of things to do.
So I sat here for a good 30 minutes, thinking about what kind of a person I was,
and it's bizarrely horrifying this go around.
I'm dark, I'm cynical, I'm sarcastic. I'm morbidly curious. I'm lacking of any religion. I'm strangely not squeamish about sex at all. I've got a cold, analytical view of what it means to be a person. I've rewired my brain to strive to meet the goals of my personal philosophies.

I like the dark, I like the silence of the outdoors-which is not silent at all.

For as long as I can remember, stalking about the streets and bike paths at night has been a large part of my identity. Getting out into the world at 2 or 3 in the morning, and existing under the sky, existing with silence at night, is something that I come back to time and time again. Nature walks at night, but also night walks in the city. Slowly walking by ominous allies, turning down sketchy roads, creeping along a completely unlit sidewalk or bike path. I like the crunchy way that the dirt feels under my sneakers on the side of the road, where the scraggly grass refuses to completely die, but is a very dull version of itself. I like bumping into possums and raccoons, and staring at them for hours.I like the way wet grass feels, the way the dirt smells, the way the wind blows. Darkness feels safe. It feels like a blanket around me, it makes me feel closer to the world. Like the night is giving me a hug. Like I could fade away into the universe and no one would ever find me.

an anti-social creature that slinks around the streets at night.

What am I?

Every time I eat

Every time I eat, there is around half of an hour that I spend afterwards wondering if this is it...Wondering if this time, the chicken was cooked wrong, and the pathogens that grew within are strong enough to kill me.

Foodbourne illness.

I was in a food safety course, and the teacher told us so calmly how one can of botulism filled tuna killed 3 people.

Why?

To ruin any sense of safety that I had.

Is it food, or poison? Food? Poison?

Which one...